she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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