thus making me awesome and them whores
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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