Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
