I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
