So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
