She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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