he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
