Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dicks are not precious.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
