I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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