Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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