Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
