Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
