I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
