i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
