walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
