The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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