I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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