Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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