i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
