so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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