Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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