i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
