What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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