Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
