your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
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I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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