I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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