Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
