apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
