about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
