you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize