Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
