I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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