When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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