My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
