He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
