I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
