I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
