I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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