you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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