Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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