Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize