I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
