New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
