tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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