You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
