worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have tasted many bathrooms
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
