So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
