yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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