so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
