just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
operation have a gay friend backfired
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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