I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
