yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
