i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
