there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
