When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
