you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
birth control should be required to get into college
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
