that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
