i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
