It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If I had your ass I would rule the world
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
