I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
