Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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