My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
