we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
