Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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