Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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